think

On Overparenting

Walk towards the light

Creative Commons LicenseJoris Louwes via Compfight

Jessica Lahey: We really need to stop looking to our kids for validation. They are not extensions of us, nor indicators of our performance, and it’s unfair to saddle them with that responsibility.

Julie Lythcott-Haims: Yeah. And our need for validation needs to be taken up with a therapist, not imposed on our kids’ existence. As Carl Jung said, ‘The greatest harm to a child is the unlived life of the parent.’

~ How Schools Are Handling An ‘Overparenting’ Crisis

This is NOT a judgment on ANY parent who reads my blog. I am an imperfect person and parent and I am definitely guilty of some of these overparenting “sins” (e.g. driving an assignment that one of my daughters has left at home or in my car to her school … or signing something digitally that should’ve been signed a week ago on paper … ) In fact, I did this yesterday. My daughter needed her paper signed, but she left it in my truck. Instead of just letting her experience a consequence, I drove it to her. I “rescued” her. I allowed her to be a damsel in distress. I shouldn’t have done that. 

Overparenting IS a thing. I’ve noticed it as a teacher and a parent and I acknowledge that it is an individual parent issue but that it is also a systemic problem. The unwieldy goals we (as in we, a society) expect students to attain at younger and younger ages puts unneeded pressure not only on kids, but on their parents as well.

Image is everything in the United States. We (the collective, general parent we) don’t want to look bad in the eyes of the school (as in the people who work at the school) or of other parents, so we protect not only our kids from failure but our own images in the eyes of others. It doesn’t help that, as a mom, who knows other moms, I know that some moms judge each other. That IS a thing too. As a teacher, I know that some teachers judge parents based on factors that they shouldn’t. And so that IS a thing as well. (Conversely there are some parents judging teachers based on things they shouldn’t too … ) So, we all know that we are all silently judging each other and some of us are just vain enough to worry about what other people are thinking–so much so that we manipulate our own image and the images of our children to portray the things we think we want to be (or what other people want us to be) rather than what we are. Humans are inherently judgey. And inherently vain. And inherently insecure … so it’s no wonder overparenting exists. We are all on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

Letting your kids suffer natural consequences is GOOD for them. Having a 4.0 is overrated. One of the best things that ever happened to my oldest daughter was getting a B. Bubble popped and she survived. This helped her understand that she was still a valuable human being–even though she no longer carried a “perfect” GPA. Guess what happened … She still got a good scholarship at a school she wanted to attend in the program of her choosing.

You get a detention for not having your assignment done? BOOM. No one hurt you or berated you (too extensively) for said detention, and you survived, but you sure remembered your assignment the next time, right? You forgot your lunch … Well, you might be really hungry when you get home tonight, but you have enough energy in your body to survive until dinner, and I bet you’ll remember your lunch tomorrow. You waited until the last minute to do the project you’ve had weeks to do? Hmmm … you might squeak out some C-level work there at the end, and it might not best reflect your learning and it may affect your overall grade, but that’s better than having your mom finish it for you so that you can maintain your 4. POINT. Oh.

Allowing our children to experience and more importantly SURVIVE failure is one of the best things we can do for them. If there is someone judging you based on your child’s inability to remember gloves day after day after day, despite blizzard-like conditions, not only does Judgey McJudgerperson need a new hobby, but you can find friends who will commiserate with you rather than scrutinize you for the inconsequential anyway.

I love what Jessica Lahey says about our children NOT being extensions of us as parents. It’s not fair to the parent to view a child as an extension of herself and it is certainly not fair to the child–who is her own person, with her own mind, and her own need to experience and learn first-hand. This process (known as “growing up”) can be painful for the child and the parent, but failure is the best way to learn.

I speak from experience. I am a failure. I have been a failure time after time, which is why I know what I know (which is infinitely tiny compared to what I could know). I learn so much more when things are a struggle for me than I do when things are going well. I’m not saying it’s NOT nice to have things go well, but it’s also good to temper the easy-breezy with some learning. We owe it to our children to back off and let them learn some things “the hard way” too.

Parenting is not for the weak, but neither is life. Letting our children fail in safe ways when the stakes are lower (e.g. letting them go hungry at lunch for one day) will prepare them to be adults who can handle life–even when it’s hard.

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iFixate (a post of gratitude)

When I find something that works, I tend to fixate on it. Right now I am fixating on my students’ blogs. I have a few “greatest hits” as far as things that I’ve tried that have gone over well in my career and I’m officially adding blogging to the top of that list. I’ve tried blogging or some form of it in the past and nothing has worked as well as this year’s blogs. One year I had students “discuss” novels in the comments of a blog I posted. Another year I had students respond to literature in their own personal blogs. In the grad class I teach in the summer, I’ve tried group blogging and I’ve tried individual blogging, and grad students will do pretty much whatever their instructor asks, but that doesn’t mean that they will do it passionately. (It doesn’t mean they WON’T either, but it is the exception and not the rule.) One thing that I did differently this time is I asked the students to generate their own topic based on their personal passions. This seems to have done the trick for most of my students.

PASSION was the missing ingredient.

How silly of me to have overlooked this precious commodity. I mean, I have meant well over the years. I’ve made attempts to INSTILL passion in students, but when you get down to it, passion is innate, it is familial, it is written in the unique code of our DNA. It CAN be contagious, but there must be a seed of interest there in order for it to grow. YES, I am passionate about reading and writing, and so are SOME of my students, but for those who have other interests (which would include nearly every single student I encounter), blogging provides an opportunity to dig into their interests whilst practicing invaluable skills! It’s a win-win and it’s going to help us meet and exceed some standards along the way too.

I don’t want to give off the impression that this has gone off without some hitches … In fact, NOTHING! … *REPEAT* –> NOTHING! I do ever turns out PERFECTLY … I’m convinced there is no such thing as “perfect” in education, and I do think we do not SHARE our failures and imperfections enough! I could blog exclusively on my daily fails, but it’s more fun to promote what goes well!

Some students are still experiencing a bit of writer’s block and some suffer from apathy or Senioritis, but for the most part, this whole blog thing has proven to be an effective way for students to practice their writing and in many cases, their research and to stretch their thinking and creativity. And frankly, this is more interesting for me as a teacher than reading 80+ canned responses on a piece of literature half the students weren’t interested in anyway. It’s pretty painful to read through so many similar pieces of writing only to discover they are nothing more than regurgitations of what I said in class or — worse yet — responses designed to appear as if they are regurgitated forms of MY thought, but it’s clear that the writer is just “faking” it because he or she DIDN’T read the text AND/OR DIDN’T listen in class. That’s REALLY painful.

These blog entries are a delight AND I’m learning things about the topics the students have chosen and more importantly about the students themselves.

So, I’ve been fixating on these blogs and my TEACHER dashboard lately. I’ve been tweeting out my students’ links like crazy! I’m just as excited as the kids when they receive a comment from outside of our classroom and I’m off-the-charts, over-the-moon excited when I see someone has made another post, on their own time, just because they WANT to do it. I stumbled into a Twitter chat last night on “visible learning.” Talk about visible learning! This is why I teach!  This is why I’m still learning!  My students’ PASSION BLOGS have reignited my passion for teaching writing and for someone who’s been in “the biz” for nearly 14 years, that is so valuable. My students have given me this gift and I am so very full of gratitude.

 

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iTweet. #allthetime

The Twitterverse or the Twittersphere, as many clever Tweeps (an astute rendering of “Twitter” and methinks “creep” as the definition is a Twitter follower who follows a Tweeter to other social networks. Correct me if I’m wrong, interwebs.) have cleverly coined the vast digital stomping grounds of Twitter, can be–like many things described as “vast” or “stomping grounds” or “digital”–a little overwhelming, a little scary, maybe even a little outlawish**. However, it can also be an environment rich in learning, information exchange, and relationship-building.

Sadly, sometimes bad thing can happen on Twitter. People get addicted to social media. Just like in real life (IRL) people can be mean to one another within this digital realm. They can spread lies. They can circulate insults. It can even reach the level of cruel harassment. The difference here is that when something is said aloud IRL, although it is still painful, there is (in most cases) no permanent visual reminder of it. On Twitter, a vicious statement can remain indefinitely, especially if someone retweets said comment or captures a screenshot of an unsavory post and then broadcasts that image via some other digital medium, which is why we must all be cautious when posting ANYTHING online, in ANY digital space. Think news travels fast in your school? The Twitter grapevine is electrified and widespread. This can be good if you WANT to get your message out there, but if you’d rather keep it private, the internerts* is not the place to post it. What is really important to acknowledge is that it does not appear that social media is going away, so I think it is a NECESSITY that instead of forbidding our students from using it freely, that we teach them HOW to use it responsibly, and give them a process to handle things properly, if they encounter the bad stuff (which realistically, we know they will at some point, whether they are looking for it or not).

However nefarious some Tweets, some exchanges, some Twitter accounts or some backchannels can be, the Twitterverse is also a place where powerful, gritty, learning and idea exchanging takes place. My number one use for Twitter is professional development. The use of hashtags (A.K.A backchannels A.K.A. #’s)  in the Twittersphere is a way to bring people with common interests and passions together as well as providing a means of networking and building a Personal Learning Network (PLN).  (Note that there are other outlets for backchannel creation, but in this post, anywhere you see me reference one, I’m referring to Twitter backchannels.) I follow a few backchannels in particular including #nebedu (tweets from and for Nebraska educators), #edchat (tweets from and for educators from around the world), #engchat (tweets from and for English teachers), and #edtech (tweets from and for anyone interested in educational technology). When I have a spare minute, I take a peek at the tweets the people I follow on Twitter have posted, or I go to the one of the aforementioned backchannels. Conversely, if I find an article that I feel is useful or shareworthy, I tag it with one or more of the backchannels so that other people who are interested in similar topics might benefit from the article as well. Sometimes I just share funny or silly things too. I also like to tweet quotes from people whom I admire or people whom make me think. Not everything I post is tagged for a backchannel, but everything I post is broadcast to my followers, which at this point includes students, parents, colleagues, and strangers. I know some of my followers personally and some I’ve never met (and probably never will). I’ve also met people on Twitter whom I have later met in person. Weird. I know. But it makes sense since I’m involved in backchannels that focus on things in which I am interested, and I attend events about which I am interested. It is not unusual to bump into someone you “met” on Twitter at a NETA convention or an NCTE event. (Just to be clear, I’m not arranging rendezvous with strangers I’ve met via the Internet. If I meet someone IRL that I’ve first met on Twitter or some other social media outlet, it has thus far been by chance.) Many times at events such as NETA, the organizers and the participants create backchannels for people to live tweet, thus broadening the professional development experience by offering glimpses into sessions that one is unable to attend.

I have also created backchannels for all of the classes I teach. For anyone unfamiliar with the ways of the Twittersphere, this makes it sound like I have some special authority or power there. I don’t. Anyone who places the hashtag symbol (#) in front of any combination of letters–sensical or not–within a tweet for the first time, creates a backchannel. The downside to this is that once a backchannel is created, anyone with a Twitter account (including spammers–someone who sends out links that open malware or viruses on one’s computer–and trolls–people who intentionally incite the anger of others by making strategically provocative or even hateful comments) can participate in a backchannel. So, if you create a backchannel and it gains significant popularity, it is sometimes targeted by not-so-nice people. However, our hashtags are obscure enough so far that this has not been an issue. Backchannels do expire after a while too, if posts are not made on a regular basis. Also, the Twitter community is pretty good at taking care of their own in that, if a responsible user sees someone who is misusing his or her account, that person’s account will most likely not exist for much longer as he or she will be reported for spam or abuse.  My advice to you regarding trolls and spammers is to ignore them. Showering someone like that with attention of any sort is like throwing corncobs into a bonfire. It feeds them and they grow stronger. Take away your attention (the fuel) and they’ll eventually burn out OR report them and allow them to be extinguished by force.

I use my classroom backchannels as a way to not only interact with my students digitally, but also to deliver information to them. Not every student has a Twitter account, so I cannot use it as my exclusive method of communication (face-to-face communication is still number 1 in my archaic little English teachery** book.) but it can be part of my repertoire. I see it as a way to speak one of my students’ (many) languages. I don’t want to speak TEXT with them because it’s a private communication tool that cannot be readily monitored. (Would you believe that I still don’t have texting capabilities on my phone?) I don’t want to be Facebook friends with them because I use that to socialize with my own friends. An unlocked Twitter account, on the other hand, is a transparent way to communicate with my students in matters of business (school) and manners of rapport-building (meaningful but fun, light, silly or interest-driven  interactions). After this first quarter of the current school year, I have come to think of Twitter as a relationship-building machine. During our Fall play this year, I used a backchannel as a way to share updates about our production process. The students liked it because they like reading about and seeing pictures of themselves and parents liked it because they like reading about and seeing pictures of their children. For classes, I use it as a means of sharing links to articles or even embedding images of pdfs I’ve converted to jpgs–among other things.

One concern I do have about a tool like Twitter is that not every student has it. This is why I must strive to use ALL avenues–traditional and “new”–to do all of the things that I just said Twitter can do. Twitter or any digital communication tool should never replace human interaction–good ol’ face to face communication. I think this goes without saying, but I don’t want to leave it out–just in case anyone forgets.

*Internerts is my pet name for the Internet. I don’t know from where it came, but know it came from somewhere random.

**I make up adjectives sometimes.

BONUS: If you think the Twitter Terms I used in this post are ridiculous(ly wonderful), check these out: TweetTerms from GeekTerms.

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Day 1 in a 1:1 iPad School

In a way, yesterday was day 1 of our school’s 1:1 iPad initiative because, last night, most of our students came to the school to pick up their shiny new iPads.  In a way, day 1 was a day in late May when we, the teachers received our iPads and began learning all about them (playing with them — best way for me to learn)!  In a way, day 1 was the day our school board approved the 1:1 initiative in our school and excitement began to seep into the hallways and classrooms and students and faculty in our district. In a way, day 1 was the day our current superintendent sat and watched Travis Allen’s keynote at NETA12 and it all clicked into place. But TODAY is the day that all of our students walked into class with iPads in hand.

In addition to today being our first day of school and my first opportunity to make contact with this year’s students, it was also a day of training. Arvin Ross from iSchool Initiative (@iSchoolAdvocate) was here to help with a “boot camp” of sorts.  The students though, are fearless when it comes to this tool. Unsurprisingly so, they dove in, downloading apps, using the camera (of course), and navigating the web. There was a boot camp going on, but it was a meta-boot camp and the presenter was only a small part of it. The students are going to train themselves. The students are going to train us!

Have there been kinks? Yes. Were we expecting them? Yes. Were they a big hairy deal? Nope. So far every rough spot we’ve encountered has been easily fixable and addressed with efficiency. Do we expect a little bit of chaos? Yes. Am I excited about said chaos? You better believe it. It’ll be a good kind of chaos–the kind where mistakes are made, academic risks are taken, and learning flourishes.

Let’s be realistic though.  Here is what I am not expecting iPads to do for us: perform magic. We still have to use best practice and continually learn and stretch and grow. iPads are not a cure for anything in particular that ails any of us. It is a tool that, if used well, will have a positive impact on us. Education is hard work and will continue to be so; it’ll just be more fun this year!

Here is what I do expect iPads to do for us: increase engagement, make projects more efficient, expand learning outside the classroom and outside the school, and increase communication.

Today was technically day 1, but I have feeling we have a whole year of day 1’s ahead of us.

Thoughts?  Tweet me: @morgetron.

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